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Thursday, February 21, 2013

The G Word (Guilt.... Blaaahh)

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  As most of you know, I am a working mother. I am also of Italian and Greek descent raised by a traditional Catholic family. Add to that an addiction to food, an innate desire to please everyone and keep everyone happy and what do you get? Guilt.

Mommy-Why-Do-You-Have-To-Go-To-Work Guilt + I-Forgot-To-Ask-How-Daddy's-Procedure-Went Guilt + When-Was-The-Last-Time-I-Called-My-Nanny Guilt + I-Don't-Believe-In-Confession Guilt + Too-Much-Peanut-Butter Guilt + I-Forgot-To-Call-My-Best-Friend-Back Guilt + I-Should-Really-Stop-Eating-Meat Guilt + My-House-Is-Not-Clean-Enough-Guilt + I-Really-Shouldn't-Have-Spent-So-Much-On-That-Gift Guilt +I-Am-Way-Too-Hard-On-Myself Guilt....
and that just scrapes the tip of the guilt laden hot fudge covered iceberg.

                                                               I hate guilt.
             I am done with guilt.
                                 You SUCK, Guilt!
                                                   F---- You Guilt!
      It took me a long time. Too long of a time to understand and to stop being held hostage by guilt. That's right. Held hostage. Guilt is an ego based emotion. It has its seeds in darkness and it grows up around you and holds you back from experiencing real happiness. It strangles you. And if you let it, it will consume you and hold you in a dark prison shackled to a moment or an action replaying it over and over in your mind, wishing you could change something you believe should never have happened in the first place.
     Don't get me wrong. There are things we just should not do. Any behavior that you know will hurt another person is a reason to feel guilty.... for a minute. I say for a minute, because if you realize you did something wrong, if you realize you made a mistake, you own up to it, ask for forgiveness, make it right, and then you let it go. You cannot go back and redo it. You cannot change the consequences. You can just accept responsibility, do your "penance," so to speak, and move on.
     Or is it? This is where guilt becomes evil. It should be over. You learned a lesson. You made it right. It's over for the person who forgave you, but you can't let it go. You are plagued. The roots of guilt are beginning to anchor themselves into your heart. And now you are stuck. Replaying. Reliving. Asking why.
     Remember "The F Word (Forgiveness, That Is), last week's post? Guilt is the opposite of that. Guilt is the antithesis of self-forgiveness. When we really love someone unconditionally, it is not that hard to forgive them. Why is it so hard to forgive ourselves? Because guilt is an ego based emotion. Confounded guilt has nothing to do with the other person or the act. It has to do with you. Think about it. Guilt is about self importance.

"I am so important to him or her that he or she will NEVER be able to recover from what I did." 
"My children love me so much that it isn't fair to them that I should have a life of my own."
"I need to be perfect all the time so everyone will love me." 
"I am the center of the universe and my friends and family need me all the time."

Those are the lies that guilt tells you. The truth is:

"Your actions were hurtful, so learn from them."
"There was a lesson for everyone involved. Your actions were a necessary part of another person's life path. They have learned them and moved on."
"If someone cannot move on, they have lessons to learn about forgiveness. There is nothing you can do about that. You are a part of their lesson."
"Your children do love you, and they need you, but they have their own lives and do not think about you every second of the day."
"Your friends and family love you, but they are not thinking about you every minute either."
"Organized religion is just a set of rules. If following those rules makes you feel closer to God, great. But God knows all of your sins. He knows exactly who you are. And if you have sincerely asked him for forgiveness, he has already forgiven you."
"You have accepted the universe's consequences. Don't repeat your mistakes, and move on."

     It's over. Get over it. Show yourself the same unconditional love you would show your child if she made a mistake. "I know you are sorry. You made a mistake. You are only human. We are all just doing the best we can." Forgive yourself. Love yourself. Let it go!

Dear God, I thank you for forgiving me my transgressions. I truly feel sorry for what I have done. Help me to learn my lessons. Help me to cut the chords of guilt that are holding me back from moving forward. Thank you for helping me to forgive myself.

I wish you all well. I wish you all happiness. Remember we are all just human. You are a beautiful child of God and you are doing the best you can to be the best person you can be. God loves you. Remember, every one of us is an extension of God's energy. To love yourself is to love God. Love yourself enough to forgive yourself. It's okay. May you be flooded with healing green light. May any attachments you have from guilt be cut and all scars healed in love. So mote it be. God bless.

Greater than 3!

Thank you Archangels Gabriel and Raphael for helping me to bring this healing message. Thank You, God for your constant love and support and for the abundance of love in my life.


  1. Thank you Melissa. This really helped I need to forgive myself. I have done all the forgiving of other people. That guilt just keeps rearing its ugly head.

  2. It's an on going process, forgiveness. Of self and of others. Sometimes we think we have let it all go and then it creeps back up on us. Then we have work through it again and release it. We are all just doing the best we can. <3