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Monday, May 19, 2014

Fixing The Hole Where The Pain Gets In: Step 1

     Have you ever taken a step back and taken a good look at us as a society? We are a mess. We are overweight, over medicated, over stimulated, over worked, over tired, sick, distraught and generally unhappy. When I meet someone, I can immediately feel the hole inside of them. Sadly, most people are walking around with a gaping hole in their spiritual bodies. Very few people are whole and well balanced and happy. There are a few. A joyful refreshing few people who are not angry or sad or desperately trying to convince the world that they are something other than their truth. I can't even believe how many people I know who are self medicating: Xanex, valium, pain killers... to name a few. And let's not forget those who medicate with food, alcohol, nicotine, sex, codependency, obsessive exercise, work-a-holism, everyone has their "thing." The thing that you try to stuff into that hole to try to make you feel whole. The thing that gives you a few fleeting moments of relief from the truth.

     What's the truth? The painful reality that there is nothing in the material world, no person, no thing, no substance that can fill that hole. That you will always feel that something is missing in your life as long as you unwilling to accept that the problem is not the rest of the world. The problem is you. Whatever you are stuffing into that hole is the thing that you have decided is easier to deal with than the thing you fear more than anything. Facing the truth about who you are. Because when you face who you really are, when you allow yourself to just be, you connect to God. That can be terrifying. You are suddenly aware that God is a part of you. God is watching you. And you secretly fear that He is disappointed with you. The truth is that you are disappointed with yourself. You are believing that you are unworthy because you are so imperfect. You are believing a lie.
     When was the last time you spent time alone? Really alone. No cell phone. No Internet. No book. No game. No music. No drugs. Just you, sitting there, awake, quietly breathing, with nothing to distract you. Most people rarely experience this. For many people this is just crazy talk.

  NO ELECTRONICS?! But my Clan just got invaded. Candy crush is calling. My friend might text. I have to Instagram my coffe cup. I just got an email. I must update my status!

But why do we need to be so attached to electronics anyway? What are we seeking with all these games and networks? Connection. Connection to someone else. Connection to the vast universe. Connection to the energy that pervades all living things. It's a type of connection that in a tiny way fills the hole. What are you really in need of? What will really fill that hole? The answer is still connection. But not connection to a tiny avatar on a screen or a couple of hundred voyeurs you call friends. Connection to the devine. That is what will make you feel whole. That is what you are missing. Deep down the thing that you desire most, more than anything in the whole world, is to love and be loved. But by whom? You are probably surrounded by people who love you, but somehow you still have a hole. The love that you really desire to feel is God's love. But here's the tricky part. You are an extension of God. Your soul is just a piece of a greater divine energy. The love that you are missing in your life does not come from some external entity you call God. It comes from the internal piece of God that is you. You're higher self. Your truth. The only way to fill the whole is from the inside out. The only way to fill fill the hole is with self love. That is the secret to happiness. To key to becoming whole. Self acceptance first, self care second, and ultimately, the result of self acceptance and self care is divine love. Self love.

But, this sounds so hard? This is just who I am. It's easy to say, "love yourself," but a lot harder to do. I've just been hurts so many times, that I am broken. I need to medicated, it's biological. I take care of everyone else, I'm just not that important. This is who I am.    

Is it? Is it who you really are? I have heard all of your excuses a thousand times. Some of them used to be mine. You don't have to listen to me. I'm not a psychologist, a life coach, or an expert in mental health issues. I'm just a person who has had the privilege and challenge of having to learn the lesson of self love. I was just a fat girl in codependent relationships, feeding my energy to everyone who would show me any level of love. I fixed my hole. I am not in pain. I am happy. I am whole. And no, it wasn't easy at first. I had to face my own ugliness. I had to face my own fears. I had to see my mistakes and flaws and accept the lies I had been telling myself. And yes, I am still a work in progress. But so are you. And you CAN be happy. The first step is simple. Take a good look at yourself. See yourself for who you really are. Here's an exercise.

Sit down comfortably on the ground outside alone (No electronics!)  If you want to, you can even down lay down.
Close your eyes, and breath slowly and gently letting your rib cage rise and fall with breath.
Let your hands rest gently on your knees or on the ground. Whatever is comfortable.
(You don't need to put your hands in any crazy position or chant anything, but Om feels amazing)
Feel the earth supporting you. Like hands underneath you holding you there. As you breath in, see your breath as white light moving down into your body. With each breath, you are filled from the top down with God's perfect energy. Let any negative feelings sink into the earth. Listen to your breath. It sounds like the ocean waves rising and falling. If another thought comes to your mind, that's okay. Put it into a bubble and watch it float away.  Maybe scan your body with your mind. Can you feel the ground underneath you? Can you feel the air touching your face? Your clothes laying on your skin? Can you smell the air? Relax your jaw. Let the skin on your face relax. Just stay like this. Breathing, feeling, listening. Not thinking about anything, but just indulging in this moment of peace.

This is mediation. Simple, easy meditation. There is no great secret to
it. This is the first step.

But I didn't do anything.

Yes you did. When you sit quietly and just BE, you are allowing yourself to connect. It may not seem like much, but this type of meditation is the simplest way to connect to the higher self and to God. It doesn't require thought, because it is your most natural state of being. It doesn't require and deep self analysis about your relationship to your mother, or the nightmares you had when you were 12. You already know yourself; you've just been out of touch. When you sit in nature and just allow yourself to be, you let the energy of the universe pervade your physical body. You become one with the hum of the divine. This is connection. This is bliss. This is the safest, most comforting, place you have ever been. This is you in your own skin.

This is the first step. Reconnection to self. Reconnection to God. Don't be afraid. Just try it. I promise, you will love it.  And soon, you will love yourself and you won't have a whole to fill.

Take a week or so to process this. Then we'll talk about the next step.

With love and light always, I wish you wellness, love and peace.

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