The Story Of My Lies

     A lot of you read my last posting, Always Live By The Silver Rule, and with all of the positive feedback, I was feeling really good about a message that apparently needed to be put out there. Then, a friend of mine told me she was slightly disappointed in it. When I asked her why, she said it was because I didn't address the deeper issue, The Why? Why don't people feel it's important to treat themselves well? Why do we fill our time and give out energy constantly to other people and avoid taking care of ourselves. She is right. I need to address the why.  The truth is, that it can be boiled down to a simple battle of good and evil. It's a battle that goes on inside of us all the time. And if you are not caring for your body, feeding your mind, and nurturing your soul, then you are letting the evil win.
     What?! Did I lose you? Are you thinking, how do you see this as a battle of good vs. evil? Well, it's simple. Your soul is a piece of God Energy. You are perfect inside. When you understand and believe this, you can balance what you give and what you receive. You can give infinite love and energy to others making the world a better place. You also love and nurture yourself with the same ferver, and accept love freely from others because you understand that in order to give more, you have to allow yourself to receive. You have to replenish the love you put out.

This Is The Good.

When we believe the lies we trap ourselves.

     But somewhere a long the story of your life, you were lied to. Someone, something, told you that you don't deserve to receive, that you should only give. Someone told you that you weren't good enough, important enough, powerful enough. Someone made you feel small or unimportant is some way, and you believed it. And so were born your inner demons.

This Is The Evil.

     When our self worth is low, we can still bring light to the world, but our light is diminished. We may still be serving God and doing "light work," but not with the same fortitude that we would if we were fully balanced and happy.  Sometimes we call them inner demons, the things that torture us inside, and prevent us from living to our fullest potential. It's an accurate term. Think about it, who would want to prevent you from being able to live your fullest expression of your gifts to the world bringing light and love to the universe? Not God, that's for sure.
Cue Dana Carvey dressed in drag as the Church Lady .

Could it be...? SNL circa 199?

Yes, call him whatever you want. Satan, the devil, the darkside... whatever... it's the opposite of good, it grabs a hold of us in the subtlest of ways. It lies to us. The demons are real, and you may have been letting them win.
     I have been. My whole life, I have believed a series of lies about who I am and what I am capable of. No more. The hardest part was seeing what lies I was believing and realizing they were lies. It's like I was sitting in a cage with an open door in the back of it. I never turned around to see the door. Once I realized the lie I was believing that was holding me back, I saw the door. So I made a choice. I walked out the door. Don't get me wrong, I am not naive enough to believe I have conquered all of my demons. But, one by one, I am knocking them out. I am looking them in the face, and saying, "NO!" and choosing to prove them wrong. And every time I do, my light gets a little brighter, and I feel a lot happier, and I can do His work just be being true to myself.

These are some of the lies I believed and then conquered. Yours will be different from mine. I can only speak of my own growth. So here goes, soul bared:

Lie 1. I am mildly attractive. Cute, maybe, but I will never be pretty like "her."

No, I did not wet my hair. That's sweat.

Now, you know I don't put much value on physical beauty, but none the less, this has been a stigma for me. At some point, I just grew up. I realized that appearance is just an illusion. Any woman can look pretty if she subjects herself to the rituals (tortures?) of what society considers beautiful. Make-up, hair dye, clothing labels,  surgery... True beauty comes from the light within. When the light within shines brightly, anyone, no matter how genetically shortchanged they may be, is beautiful. If we could only get Tony Robbins to hipnotize us like he did to Hal in the film, "Shallow Hal." We would see our true beauty and the beauty of others around us. Today I know I am beautiful. Even soaking wet and flushed after 90 minutes of hot yoga with raccoon eyes because I forgot to take off my eye make up.)

Win for the light!

Lie 2: I will never be as strong as a man, simply because I am a woman.

This lie runs deeper than physical strength. I really believed this. I believed that I needed a man around. I believed that there were things I just couldn't do. And when Mr. Jones got sick with cancer in 2011, I had to face this lie head on. What if I lost him? What would I do? How could I run my house and take care of 2 kids on my own? Then my neighbor, The Major, was deployed and I watched his wife, Michiko, manage for months with 3 kids without him. I was inspired. She is the one of the strongest women I know. In July of that same year, she asked me I wanted to run this adventure race with her. I thought, I would love to, but I am not strong or fit like she is. And then I heard a voice in my head say, "why not?" Thank God for those guardian angels who nudge us to the light! So I said, why not? And I started training. I ran that race last year, and 2 more like it. In August, I was stronger than I thought, both mentally and physically, but I could barely do "girl push ups." By the end of the summer I was doing "man push ups," and working towards the thing that in my mind, only men could do, a pull up. 6 months later, I could do chin ups. And today, I am jumping into a pull up. I don't have the physical strength yet to pull up from dead weight, but it's only a matter of time and perseverance. I will do it. and I now know that I have the strength to do anything I really want to. And while I thank God everyday for my husband who is my best friend, my team mate, and an incredible partner who always shares my burden, whatever it may be, I know that if I had to do it without him, I could. I would just prefer not to.

I'm sorry. Did you say you wanted a ticket to the gun show? (I totally crack myself up!)

Win for the angels!

Lie 3: I will never be skinny because I just love food too much, and I could just never work that hard.

I didn't "get skinny." I got healthy. Somewhere on my journey to be strong, I began to love my body. Not because of how it looked, because of how it worked. I marvel at the changes I have seen, and I have learned to listen to and respect this gift of the human body. I
realized that certain foods were like poison for me: soda, caffeine, lactose, excessive alcohol, refined and processed sugar, preservatives, food dyes, artificial anything. If you are my personal Facebook friend, you are probably tired of reading about "clean eating." And 2 weeks ago you read my post as I screamed in the dressing room when I realized I needed to try on a size 4. I guess I'm skinny now. But who cares about that? I am the healthiest I have ever been, and I feel great. I feel well!
Win for the force.

Lie 4: Doing things that make me happy is selfish because it takes away from my children.

This is my 9 year old. Example set!

This is the biggest lie I have ever fought! My yoga classes are 90 minutes long. The studio where I practice is 20 minutes from my house. Yes, there are closer ones, but I want to go to THIS one. That means that when I go to yoga, I am away from my family for almost 3 hours. I work full time as a middle school teacher, so I leave before my girls wake up and I usually get home in time for the bus drop off. On yoga days, I don't get home until 6 pm. My children adore me, and I adore them. I would be putting on my yoga clothes and my kids would whine, "You're going to yoga?" with sad faces. How could I be so selfish? I would think. I would go anyway, because somewhere amid the lies I was hearing that leaving my children for a couple of hours made me a bad mom, I heard another voice saying, "YOU NEED THIS!" And I went, because I did need it. Yoga makes me happy. It feeds my body, mind and spirit all at the same time. It teaches me to be present and enjoy the moment. And when I am happy, I don't resent the fact that I have to do the hardest job EVER everyday (being a mommy is way harder than being Mrs. Molfetto). At some point, I realized that by taking care of myself and doing things that make me feel good in a healthy way sets the example for my children that it is important to take care of yourself. Ultimately, what do I want for my girls? For them to be happy, healthy and well adjusted adults who live balanced lives and express their gifts ways that bring light into the darkness of this world. The example that I am setting is that my needs are important. One day, I hope that they will consider their own needs to be just as important.

Win for Mommy!

I don't live a charmed life. I am not without my flaws. There are plenty of things I am still working on. Life is a process, and I, like you, am just a work in progress. But I can honestly say that today, I am happy. I fight demons everyday. Make no mistake about that. But here's the thing, I am fighting. Every day, I fight to be a better person. I feed my body good, real food, even when it means I have to make it myself. I continue to seek new knowledge and stimulate my mind, and I work endlessly to continue to push my body and mind to new limits hoping that tomorrow, I will be a little stronger than I am today. I know I bring light into this world. And it is my tireless mission to keep fighting my own demons and inspire others to fight theirs so that the world can be filled with a little more light. Because after all, what is darkness anyway? It is nothing but the absence of light.

So what lies are you believing? Are you too weak? Too dumb? Too old? Too young? Too lazy? Too fat? Too ugly? Too small? Too powerless? Take up your sword. Make the choice to walk out of your cage. It's time to slay those demons so you can be happy too!

This photo just makes me smile every time I look at it.  I hope you are smiling too!

>3!

Always Live By The Silver Rule

 The Silver Rule? Don't you mean the Golden Rule? The one that says, "Do unto others as you would have done unto you? Nope. I mean The Silver Rule.  It's a rule that I now follow that took me a really long time to understand.

The Silver Rule: Do unto yourself as you would do unto others.

That's right. The Silver Rule is about you. How do you treat yourself? I know a lot of you, and if you are reading my blog, you are probably not the selfish type. You are probably the kind who follows the Golden Rule to the tee all the time. And you are probably the type who gives endlessly to the people who you love and are frequently disappointed by the lack of reciprocation on the part of others. Well, the Golden Rule is golden. It is a beautiful notion, and an ideology that leads to lovely self sacrifice and kind loving behavior towards others. The problem is, that may of us who live by the Golden Rule give ALL of our energy to the service of others and completely neglect our own needs. We overeat, over shop, over work, over drink, deny compliments,  and go without so others can have whatever they want. We give SO much that there is nothing left for ourselves. 

Do you feel like this? 

We have no energy left, and we feel empty because we are out of balance. So what do we do? We try to fill the void we have left behind with other things. We are taught that food is love and comfort, so we overeat. We are so drained of energy, we pump veins with stimulants (caffeine, nicotine, and sometimes other more dangerous drugs). We are so out of touch with our inner joy that we dull our senses with alcohol or marijuana, because as adults we are told the only way to have fun is to be inebriated. We have given so much to our friends and family that we have nothing left for ourselves. We labor under the delusion that to live be a "good" person means that we give everything we have to others and that in our humility we are SO unimportant that we don't deserve the same level of love we give to others. Do you say these things to people?

 I don't need anything, thanks.

Just your love is enough.

It's okay, you're happiness is more important to me.

I just want everyone I love to be happy.

   All of the above statements indicate that you love everyone BUT the one person who really matters. YOU. 

WHY DON'T YOU BELIEVE THAT YOU DESERVE TO RECEIVE LOVE?!!!

If I just described you, you are completely out of balance. You may suffer from anxiety. You may be overweight. You may be on the cusp of alcoholism. Maybe you suffer from constant illness or headaches. Maybe you are deeply in debt because you want to give everyone in your family everything they could possibly imagine might bring them happiness. You are working so hard to bring happiness to others, you are creating a void within yourself that needs to be filled. And what are you filling it with? Food? Things? 

Adventure racing is something I do for me.
JUST BECAUSE IT'S FUN.

     The Silver Rule says, what if you started to treat yourself as well as you treat others? What if you began to feed yourself healthy food, because you love yourself so much and you want to start feeling better? What if you gave yourself permission to do something you love to do, just for fun. Jump on a trampoline. Go for a walk in the woods. Swing or climb on a playground WITH your kids instead of just watching them have fun without you. Play in the sand at the beach. Build something. Paint something. Create something. Take a course in something you have always wanted to learn. Take yourself to a spa. DO SOMETHING FOR YOU! If someone gives you a compliment, receive it. JUST SAY THANK YOU, and smile. If someone offers you help, accept it. There is no rule that says you have to do it all yourself. AND START ASKING THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU FOR WHAT YOU NEED OR WANT.

Can you help me with the dishes? 

For Christmas, I really want a new tablet. 

Do you mind watching the kids, so I can go to yoga? 

I am really tired, so I am going to bed early. 

I really want to go out to the movies. 

       I need some time alone. 

NO, IT DOES NOT MAKE YOU SELFISH. YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY.

And receiving from others doesn't mean you have to stop giving. It just means you give to yourself the love and respect you need to be happy and healthy. 

     There are people in this world who are the opposite of us. They are takers, energy vampires, life energy suckers. They are narcissistic and selfish. They too, are out of balance. Following The Silver Rule does not make you that person. And btw, living by The Silver Rule might mean that you stop giving your energy to that person. It's okay to let people who disrespect you, ignore your needs, abuse you, belittle you, or generally suck the life out of you, fade out of your life. You have no obligation to suffer someone else's ignorance, ego or narcissism. You deserve love, not martyrdom. You can pray for them. You can forgive them. You can wish them well, but you do not have to let them abuse you. EVER.

Are you dusty and tarnished inside?

     I call it The Silver Rule because when silver is well cared for, it's shiny and reflective. When you look into a piece of well shined silver, you see yourself. 

One last thought about the damage that we do when we do not allow ourselves to receive and we give give give. We teach our children to be out of balance. They either follow your example and become martyrs to someone else's abuse, or they become narcissistic because they are so used to receiving, that they don't ever learn how to give. Teach them balance by learning to balance your own needs. You create the example upon which they build their lives whether you want to or not. What kind of example are you setting?  If you really love your family, you need to love yourself.

   

I Am What I Am Not

Quick, finish this sentence:

I am ________________.

     What'd you put? It's important. What was the first thing that came to your mind? This is an exercise I do with my students. The first day of school, I give them a questionnaire, and I have them fill in that sentence. It tells me a lot about them. Middle schoolers are all about identity. They crave belonging, so they like to label themselves and everyone around them. The first thing that came to your mind is how you identify yourself. It's either the most important thing to you (for example, how many of you said, "I am a mother?"), or it's something that you are super proud of ("I am a really good cook."), or maybe its something that you despise about yourself, (I am a couch potato.) Whatever words we follow the phrase, I am with indicates how we see ourselves from the inside out. 

    While this is all very interesting from the perspective of self knowledge, it can also be extremely limiting. You are whatever you say you are. If you look in the mirror and say, I am strong, then you are strong. If you say, I am beautiful, then indeed you are beautiful. However, if you look in the mirror and say, "I am so fat," or "I am so weak," then you are, or will become those things. It's a self-fulfilling prophesy. I wrote about this in my posting, Goodbye Fat Girl. Think about the words you choose when you speak about yourself. Negative words and thoughts manifest a negative reality.

     Now I have a pretty good self esteem. I stare into my own eyes during yoga and say, "I am strong, I am powerful, I am blessed, I am healthy....etc." I might finish the I am with, I am a mother, or I am a teacher, or I am a writer, or I am a medium, as all of these are adequate descriptions of who I am. And that's all well and good, but even the most confident of us use the I am to limit ourselves without even realizing it. My girlfriend, Carey might complete that sentence, "I am a runner." And she is. She runs every single day. She does 5Ks in her sleep. I on the other hand would always say, "I am NOT a runner. I just can't run," and guess what? I never ran anything. Until last week.

     On the 4th of July, my best neighbor, Michiko, said when I walked into the room, "Melissa will do it with me." Huh? "Yes, of course I will," I said (I am always up for a good dare), "what am I doing?" "The Long Island Adventure Race," she said, and she showed me a website with pictures of people covered in mud climbing walls and walking on logs in the woods. "Hell yeah!" I said, "that looks awesome, but its a 5K and I am not a runner.""You can walk it," she said, "and if the obstacles are too hard, you can go around." Okay, but what's the point of doing a race if I can't actually do the race? Mr. Jones looked at me and said, "I don't think you can do it." As convincing as he was, I knew he didn't mean it. He figured out long ago that the easiest way to get me to commit to doing something is to tell me you don't think I can. And I get all, "Who the hell are you to tell me what I can't do?!" and then I go and show you that I can. Okay, so Mr. Jones thought I could do it, and Michiko, who is easily the most motivating encouraging friend I have, thought I could do it, so why didn't I think I could do it? Why was I not a runner? My I am was limiting me. 

 

 So the race was 5 weeks away. I had 5 weeks to learn to run a 5K. So I did some research. Talked to runners for advice, read some runner blogs, and I hit the track. I am not going to lie. Running is boring. It's not my choice workout. At first, I would break up the laps with yoga (because I AM a yogi.) Then, as the race got closer, I worked towards running straight through (still working on that, btw, but I get better every time). When the day came, I was ready... for anything. I had no idea what the obstacles would be, but I was ready to go out with my friend and have fun. She wasn't worried about time and she understood that I might have to walk a bit to catch my breath, and so we went.

We ran. We jogged. We walked a bit. We climbed. We crawled through the mud. We slid into the mud on on bellies like penguins.We even waded through chest deep ice water!

And there were bubbles! Did I mention the bubbles?

We had a ball. I loved every second of it. So much so, that I have another "all level" mud run in 22 days. I can't say I am not a runner anymore.  As soon as I stopped saying I am NOT, I became what I never thought I could be. I am an adventure racer (in training). 

     So my question to you is not what do you finish the I am with. It's what do you finish I am NOT with that you secretly wish you could say you are? Why are you limiting yourself?! What excuses are you making? If you want to do something, get started. It may be a long road. You will have to step out of your comfort zone. You will have to educate yourself. You will have to be patient as you learn a new skill. But there is no reason why can't do it. The only thing holding you back is what my girlfriend Ally calls, "The itty bitty sh*tty committee" in your head (your ego). Put them in a box and let your true self out of it. 

You are strong.

You are powerful.

You are unlimited. 

                                    Now get to work!

>3!

Abbodanza!

     A few years ago (okay, 21 years ago...ugh) my sister got 2 tickets to see her idol, Liza Minnelli in concert. My mom was going with her, so my dad and I decided to take a ride into the city for a "Daddy date," and we got tickets to the only Broadway musical at the time that he was willing to tolerate, "The Most Happy Fella." All I remember about it was that it took place in Italy, (which is the ONLY reason he wanted to see it) and it opened with a song called, "Abbodanza," which means abundance in Italian. The cast was singing about being grateful for abundance. Ever since then, I use that word in my inner monlogue whenever I am feeling blessed about the abundance in my life. Thanksgiving dinner, for example. Recently, in my meditations and prayers for guidance, I frequently receive the same recurring messages:

Focus your intentions, Melissa. Think about what you want, not what you lack. See what you want, let go of worries. Surrender and release your concerns to God and know that everything is taken care of. Focus on abundance. Watch your thoughts. You are manifesting what you think about. Only think about what you want, not what you lack.

"Yes, I understand. I hear you. I am grateful for all that I have," I say. I did the whole, make a list of everything you want to manifest thing. I told other people to do it. I understood. Thoughts carry energy. "You bring about what you think about." Stay positive and you will manifest positive things. I even wrote about this 2 1/2 years ago (All You Need Is Love). I did understand, but I didn't comprehend. I thought I did, but I really didn't. I was frequently worrying about money, and things were getting frighteningly worse by the week. I was asking for help. I was asking for guidance, and naturally, it came when I wasn't expecting it.
     I was at work grading state assessments.  My friend, *Genie, was sitting across from me. Genie has been a sort of mentor for me. I passed a remark about my money troubles and she offered some advice. I said, "I know, but I am not that worried because like I always say, we always get by." She looked at me and said. "If that's what you say, then all you'll ever get is 'by.' You don't want to just 'get by.' You want to thrive." OMG!  LIGHTBULB! (I was actually finding lightbulbs for a couple of days. I know... only me.)

This one was on my kitchen
counter when I got home.

 She was right. I was manifesting living week to week. So I wrote down an affirmation. "Thank you, God, for helping me with my financial problems." She looked at it and shook her head, "You mentioned problems. Too negative." Okay, let me try, again "Thank you God for giving me more than I need." She shook her head again. "You mentioned need." She took the pencil. "I am grateful for abundance." (In my head I heard, abbodanza!)  "It's simple and positive,"  she said, "and abundance can come in many forms." Perfect. I took the pencil and wrote it down myself.

I found this 2 weeks later when I was paying my bills. It snuck it into a pile of  bills to be paid. A little reminder from my guardian angels. (Which I needed.) I added the top part that day, "I am grateful that we always have more than enough to share."

I went home and chanted it. I was focused on saying it over and over again. I wrote down 9 times and burned it. I WILL MANIFEST ABUNDANCE. (That's the witch in me. When I want something, I focus my intention and I manifest it.) Now, short of winning the lottery (which I never play), I understood that the manifestation of cash would take time and work.  Manifestation comes in the form of ideas and opportunities for financial growth. The angels, however, know that I need constant validation (a flaw in my faith, I know, but I am working on it) and they also know that I have a sense of humor, love irony and that I especially love it when they surprise me. Over that weekend, I noticed that I kept finding pens everywhere. In my car. On the floor. In my bedroom. Pens were popping up everywhere. It became comical. I had a flashback of myself at my desk like a week before yelling about the fact that I could never find a pen, "WHY DON'T I EVER HAVE A PEN?! GRRRRR!" OH, I never had a pen because I kept saying THAT. Now I am finding pens everywhere. On Monday, I opened my desk drawer.  There were BOXES of pens and pencils in there. Wait a second, last week Dawn was cleaning up from the grading and said she was going to leave all the pens in my desk because she didn't know what else to do with them... that was the same day I was writing "I am grateful for abundance" with Genie. 

Did you think I was exaggerating?

ABBODANZA! 

     I had an abundance of pens. I now have pens and pencils everywhere: 2 or 3 in my car, like 5 in my pocketbook, maybe 100 in my kitchen...  Now I keep saying, "I always have pens," and I do.






     Suddenly I got it. It clicked. It didn't stop there. Remember my rosebushes from last month's, Lessons From My Rosebush)? I have never seen so many roses in my life. I have an abundance of roses.

   

Abbodanza!

      Yesterday, I was reorganizing my Angel-baby's closet. I counted 36 t-shirts. Who needs 36 t-shirts? Abbodanza. She has an abundance of clothing. (Thanks to Grandma!) That's when the second part of the lesson kicked in. It's more than just saying that you are grateful for something you want to manifest. It's more than just writing and saying the words. The second part is seeing the abundance you already have and truly being grateful for it. When you are grateful, you are focusing on your blessings, you manifest more blessings. It's like a positive feedback loop in your endocrine system. The hormone produced stimulates the gland to make more of that hormone. The more hormone you have, the more you make. The more blessings you count, the more blessings you receive. (Were you wondering when I would add the science? You were, weren't you? Anyway...) Now I say I am grateful for everything I want more of.

I am grateful for my good health.
I am grateful for fearless open hearted love.
I am grateful that I always hear my divine guidance.
I am grateful that I always know how to help others.
And my favorite, I am grateful that I always have more than enough to share.

Because the fact is, I AM very blessed. I am surrounded by love. My basic needs are always met, and I get the joy and privilege of doing God's work in some small way every day which fills me with a joyful overflow of love that is beyond description. I know that He will always provide, and I recently learned a lesson in receiving that I will share in a future posting that has opened my mind and heart to a bright new future where everything will be very different for me and my family. I am so blessed! And so are you. Open your eyes to the abundance around YOU. What are you grateful for? Say it out loud right now. Find something, anything and thank God for it. If you are truly grateful, you will manifest more of those things. I promise.

As always, I wish you all love and blessed joy. May you all experience ABBODANZA. I am so grateful that so many of you "like" and "share" my page on facebook and twitter, and help me get my messages out to the world! And as always, my love for you is "greater than 3."

>3!   

*Genie is not her real name. In fact, she's more of an angel than a genie. 0:-)

I'm Jumping Off The Bridge!

     I am a dreamer. I dream every night. Vivid, complex meaningful dreams. Sometimes I am in the dreams. Sometimes I am not. If I don't like a dream, I can stop it and wake myself up. My dreams are significant and highly symbolic. I see the world symbolically, so my guides often speak to me through my dreams because they know that I will understand.

This is the Throgs Neck bridge that spans NYC's East River.
It frequently appears in my fear dreams
Image from: http://www.nycroads.com/crossings/throgs-neck/

    I have always had these dreams about bridges. They vary in theme. Sometimes I am in a car, sometimes I am walking. The bridge is always over a raging river (usually the East or the Bronx which are both very deep with strong currents), and I am always worried in the dream about either getting lost once I get to other side of the bridge or I am paralyzed with fear as I cling to the structure. These are my nightmares: getting lost in the Bronx, driving off the bridge with my children in the car sinking into the river, or just falling into the river alone. Do you get the symbolism here? 

     I am a bridge crosser.  I always have an idea where I want to be in life.  I make a decision that I am going to cross the bridge to get there. I decide, then I go, but I never make it over the bridge. When I know I want something, I decide to make it happen. I start across the bridge. However, as I have learned many times, I do not have that much control. I can try to cross the bridge, but I always end up in the river forced to go with the flow. I always get what I want, but often it comes in ways I don't expect. You see, I THINK what I want is across the bridge, but it's really down river. When I am on the bridge, I have the illusion of control. Then I end up in the river where I have no control, and then I get there anyway.

    Last night I dreamt that I was on a boat with my dad. I wasn't piloting it, I was a passenger. We were speeding along this super fast current and I couldn't help but notice all the bridges. Were were zipping along with the river going under all different types of bridges. I couldn't believe how fast we were getting to the city and I said to him, "I never knew this was here. What a great way to commute."  When I woke up this morning, I knew that there was something significant about the fact that I was suddenly racing to my destination by going under the bridges. I recently made a decision to stop chasing my destiny. I have an idea what's down the river for me. It's something wonderful. Something really big. And I have been working very hard to get what I want. Too hard. I have been trying to cross  bridges. I finally understand that I am supposed to be in the river. The river, that I have been so afraid of drowning in is faith. Now I am on course racing to my destiny. I have faith that my prayers have been heard and that as long as I follow the voice in my gut, live with an open mind and an open heart, the river will take me to where I need to be quickly and effortlessly.

     There are 3 types of people in this world. Bridge crossers (who are in constant struggle), floaters (who everything always just seems to fall into place for), and runners. I know a couple of runners. Runners dip their toes in the river. They float along for a bit, but every time the river brings them close to their desired outcome, they get out of the river and run. They run as fast as the can from the love of their lives, the new job opportunity, the weight loss program..... whatever it is that is their deepest desire. Runners fear change. Runners fear everything. Eventually they get tired of running and get back in the river. They float along towards their destiny, but as soon as they start to feel something good, they get out and run again. Some people spend their lives running. This is tragic. God will keep giving them what they need to break the cycle. Some runners will eventually figure it out and take the leap of faith. 

     You don't have to be a runner for the rest of your life. You don't have to be a bridge crosser either.  Normally, I would say that if your friends told you to jump off a bridge you shouldn't, but today I am saying, "JUMP!" Please jump. Your life will become so much easier if you just jump and let the river take you. God will always give you what you need to thrive. God will always surround you with people who love you. You just have to accept the gift. Will you? Or will you run and hide in the cave with Plato watching shadows on the wall in fear while life's magick happens without you? You make a  choice to be unhappy. You make a choice to live in fear. 

     There is a reason why John baptized Jesus in the river. Even if you are not Christian, you can see the beauty of that symbolism. (I thought about making a joke here about being in "de-Nile" of your inner wisdom, but decided it was too corny.) Just let go. Listen to your heart and know that you will always be okay. Fear is just the illusion that somehow God might make a mistake. If you believe in an all powerful perfect God, there is never any reason for fear.... just faith.

As always, I wish you love and happiness. I pray that you will get your feet wet and let the current take you to where you have always been meant to be.

>3!

http://www.nycroads.com/crossings/throgs-neck/

The Unloved

(I found this beautiful image at 101doves.com/?p=113)

     Yesterday, I was sitting with two of my best girlfriends killing time while our girls were in gymnastics class. (I say killing time, but really its precious time because with our busy lives it's often the only time during the week that we get to sit down together.) My friend's father-in-law passed away this week, and the typical family drama ensued. We were talking about this one particular person who creates drama and brings toxic energy that has caused division within the family. My friend Ally said this, "Those who are hurting hurt others." No truer words have ever been spoken.

     People hurt other people all the time. Sometimes intentionally, and sometimes unintentionally. More often the hurting is not intentional, but a result of the hurter being lost, confused or acting out of fear. As I wrote in a previous post The F-Word, (Forgiveness) we all have lessons to learn. If you look at a situation objectively (from God's perspective), each person in the situation has a lesson to learn. The end result may be down right tragic. And if either party doesn't learn his lesson, they will each be doomed to repeat the lessons again and again until they find their way. Now you're thinking, If someone else has a lesson to learn, and is causing harm to other people as a result, why do I have to allow him to hurt me so that he may learn his lesson?" Well, you don't. I didn't say you have to accept another person's hurtful behavior. You should not allow anyone to harm you. If someone you love, even if it's your own child, is hurting you, physically or mentally, you need to find your strength and remove yourself from the situation and avoid contact with that person. That may be your lesson. Forgiveness is not about giving someone permission to do anything, it's about accepting that we are all flawed and a works in progress. Forgiveness is really about moving on and letting go of the pain. That said, today, I am focused on the hurters of this world.

     We pray for victims all the time. When we hear tragic stories on the news or in our lives, we grieve, we weep, and we pray for victims of abuse. How often do you pray for the abuser? What? Why would I pray for that monster? I know, it seems outrageous to even think about. But think about this: Why is that person a monster? What happened to her that brought her so far from God, that she cannot see or sometimes even understand that she is causing pain? She is lost. She is confused. She is in a very dark place and has lost her connection to the light. That is precisely the reason she needs your prayers.

     If we are to reclaim this world in the name of love and light, we need to give our attention to the evildoers. Yes, they need justice. They need to receive consequences for their actions. That's a given. But they also need your prayers. Look at the person as a fire burning out of control. He is in pain and burning everything in his path. When you think about him, it is with hatred and anger. You wish something bad would happen to him. Your thoughts are not harmless. You are throwing more negative energy his way. This just increases the darkness. It's like throwing gasoline on the fire. Now he becomes darker and moves further and further away from God.

     What if you could throw water on the fire instead of gasoline? What if instead of saying, "I hope he burns in hell," you say, "I hope he finds his way back to God." What if you pray, "Help him to find healing?" What if you ask God to shower him in light and love hoping to penetrate the darkness? The only way to fight darkness is with light. Pure divine light of God's love. Again, this doesn't mean you are saying what he did is right or okay in anyway. It is saying, "God, this person has lost his way and is hurting other people. Please heal him and bring him back into the light so that the hurting of others can stop." 

     When we let ourselves become so angry and hurt that we wish evil on evildoers, we are serving evil. When we pray that all humanity be healed in God's love, no matter how evil a person is, we are serving God. We are doing His work. Think about that. Think of three people right now who have hurt you so much that you avoid them. Now imagine a giant bucket filled with God's light and love filled to the brim and overflowing. Now dump it on their heads. Do this every time you think of them. You don't have to go see them. You shouldn't. They are still going to be toxic. But maybe, if we pray for them enough, they will start to find their ways back to God. And, at the very least, we can know for sure that we are serving God in our thoughts and actions and no one else. It's a small way that we can fight the good fight against evil.

Sending you all love and light from the bottom of my heart. May you be healed and find peace in your hearts and souls today and always.
 >3!     

Lessons From My Rosebush

     I have a thing for roses. Many of you know that I love daisies, and I do, but there's something about roses. Roses have a divinity about them. They are dicots which means they have flower parts in multiples of 5s. 5, 10 or 15 petals, 5, 10 or 15 stamen, 5, 10 or 15 pistols and so on. 5 is a sacred number. The pentacle, or 5 pointed star, represents the communion and balance of the forces of nature (earth, wind, water and fire) with the 5th element, the divine energy of the universe (God). The perfect pentacle has a perfect pentagram at its center. It exhibits divine geometry in the ratio of its parts. 5 is the number of change, journey and lessons learned in life. It can be associated with loss, conflict, growth, and perseverance. There is a reason why Catholics pray the Rosary to venerate Mary. 5 sets of 10 Hail Marys. It's called the ROSary and Mary often communicates her support through the changes in life with the appearance of roses. The reason I grow roses is to honor Mary, Queen of Heaven, who has supported me through all of the 5's in my life.

     This past Sunday was Mother's Day here in the US. I celebrated with brunch, went to church, spent time with my family (the uz), but there was some time in between to do whatever I wanted in the warm sunlight of a perfect day. I decided that I needed to prune my rosebushes. Nobody bothered me, it was bliss. (What most people don't realize is that is that the best gift on Mother's Day is not having to feel like a mother.) It was just me and the rosebush. I am not usually a pruner. I tend to let things just grow the way they grow, and let nature do its thing. But there were some dead branches and I figured, I should clean them up a bit so that they looked a little better. I put on some gloves, grabbed the pruning shears and got to work.       

     I started off haphazardly, just chopping away at anything that looked brown. The more I cut, the more I realized that this one particular bush was a mess. There were a lot of dead branches underneath. They were obstructing the growth of living branches causing them to get twisted and tangled. As I got deeper into the plant, my arms began to get scratched up. I could hear Brett Michaels crooning in my head, "Evvvvery rose has its thorn..." And I began to reflect on the rosebush and I started to notice the WAY it grows, and I felt like it was communicating a lesson to me.

     Rosebushes are perennials. Each year, they grow bigger, flower and fruit. Then they lose their leaves and go dormant for the winter and in the spring they begin to grow again. They grow bigger and spread their branches further out and roots deeper down every year. What I noticed was that wherever there was dead branch from last year's flowers, there was a place (at the node) nearby where new life was growing in a different direction. I realized that I needed to just trim off the dead part right up to where the new growth was branching off. Last year's dried up flower stems were useless to this year's new buds, and in some ways were taking up necessary space and resources preventing the new growth from meeting its full potential. The rosebush's past growth was inhibiting its future growth.  How true is this in our human lives.

     When we grow, we experience pain as well as beauty. Life gives us lessons each day to shape us and teach us. When we learn those lessons, we blossom. Then, we branch off in new directions and leave the old behind. The problem is, we don't always prune. We hold on to our dead branches. They no longer serve us, but we keep them there. Those dead branches bear no fruit, but they are still covered in thorns. They obstruct our growth, and unless we cut them out and release the thorns of our past, we will never grow to our fullest potential. What are you holding onto? Scars from mistakes in your past?  Anger? Sadness? Shame? Guilt? Did you learn your lesson, but still hold on to the thorns? Are those thorns causing you to repeat the same mistakes obstructing your growth? Did you so love something in your past, that you hold onto the dead branches so tightly that you cannot branch off into new directions? Are you stuck? Are you tangled up?

     This is what I learned from the rosebush:

You cannot grow to your highest potential if you hold on to the pain, loss, regret, guilt and unforgiveness left over from the lessons, the 5's, of your past. You need to release the old so that new life can manifest. It doesn't mean your new lessons will be easy. I guarantee you, they will not. New growth is full of thorns as well, but you cannot be productive unless you let go of the things that were and begin focusing on the things that are, and the beautiful blossoms that can be. 

     Take some time to be alone with yourself. Quiet your mind. Thank God for all of the lessons in your life, past present and future. Thank Him for helping you to prune the rosebush of your life.

Thank You, God for allowing me to release the pain, fear, guilt and unforgiveness of my past so that I can branch out and grow to the full potential that You have intended for me. 

As always, I wish you love and happiness. Know that you are loved infinitely for all of your imperfections and weaknesses as well as for your triumphs and talents.  May you grow and blossom this spring without the thorns of your past holding you back.

>3!